Dark Humor
Why isn't dark spelled with a "C"? Because you can't "C" in the dark.
Big Bird
My obese parrot died. It was sad, but it was a huge weight off my shoulders.
Paws for a Picture
Our family card managed to include everyone this year.
Tinselectomy
7 Year Old: Mum, what happens if you eat lots of tinsel? Me: Probably emergency surgery to prevent obstruction somewhere in your digestive system. 7 Year Old: *blank face* *small voice* You get tinselitis.
Farley
You've heard of Elf on a shelf? Now get ready for...Farley on a Harley.
Wouldn't Have Kids
Doctor said if I have a vasectomy, I wouldn't have any kids. Had the operation, got home, they're still there.
No Hippo
After some quiet reflection, Jim changed his mind about wanting a hippopotamus for Christmas.
A Whining Sound
Anybody have an owners manual for a wife? Mines making a whining sound.
Chestnuts Roasting
Chess nuts resting in an open foyer.
They Need to Pee
Why does the need to pee intensify by a million when you are trying to unlock the door to your house?
I See the Future
Amazing: Clairvoyant man can always guess what will happen next in wife's Hallmark movie.
I Forgive You
*Places finger on cops lips* Shhh, we were both speeding, OK? I forgive you.
Angel Gets Wings
Every time a bell rings, an Angel gets his wings.
Bah, Humbug
Bah, HumPug...
Die Hard
There are two types of people in the world. Those who think Die Hard is a Christmas film and those who are wrong.
Curator
Most of this work or writing, punning, sarcasm, or dad jokes is not original content from me. I appreciate the finer art and curate or collect from various sources on the Internet. All original copyright notices are reflected in the images and the watermarks for the images. Feel free to follow me at the links listed below, or email me at Tom@ThatPunGuy.com.