Stuffed Crust Pizza
Stuffed Crest Pizza.
My Opinion
Instead of presents this year, I'm giving everyone my opinion. Get excited.
Selfish
Why do crabs never give to charity? Because they're shellfish.
No Turkey for You
Today my kids told me they want a pony for Christmas. Normally I smoke a ham or a Turkey, but whatever makes them happy.
Still Isn't Clean
3.8 billion women on the planet. You'd think it would be clean by now.
The Perfect Gift for a Husband
People be like: What did you get your husband for Christmas? Me: The ability not to have to worry about anything other than showing up Christmas morning.
Well Planed
Well played, Google, well played.
Slow Going
I deleted all my friends who have fast cars. So, if you're seeing this...
Real Men
What I think about when they start talking about reel men...
I'm a Believer
My wife asked me to stop singing "I'm a Believer" by The Monkees because she found it annoying. At first I thought she was kidding. But then I saw her face.
Dancing with the Tsars
Last night, on Dancing with the Tsars, Peter and Catherine were great, but Ivan was terrible.
Spread Them Apart
Is "buttcheeks" one word? Or should I spread them apart?
Forest for the Trees
Hey Trip, my allergies are so bad, I can't buy flowers this time of year. Really Cap'n? Why's that? I just can't see the florist from the sneeze.
Sad Songs
When I was little, my dad told me that the ice cream man only played music when he ran out of ice cream. Well played, dad, well played.
Pro Tip
Pro tip for the holidays. You're welcome.
Curator
Most of this work or writing, punning, sarcasm, or dad jokes is not original content from me. I appreciate the finer art and curate or collect from various sources on the Internet. All original copyright notices are reflected in the images and the watermarks for the images. Feel free to follow me at the links listed below, or email me at Tom@ThatPunGuy.com.