Wine
Shout out to the parents in Christmas story for just chugging wine for breakfast.
Riceless
Chinese take out: $8.00. Tip: $2.00. Getting home to find out they forgot part of your order: Riceless.
Nativity Scene
My wife told me "Take $40 and buy a Christmas nativity scene. The rest you can spend on beer."
Tada
Data asked me to call him Tada in the future. What was your response, Sir? I told him he was out of order. Every. Single. Time.
Fresh Popcorn
When you fart in a crowded room and say, "Do I smell popcorn?" so everyone takes a whiff.
The Smart
Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.
Nice Buck
Florida reindeer.
Overly Simple
Don't use a big word when a singularity, unloquacious and diminutive linguistic expression can just as succinctly convey the intent of your utterance.
Twisted Chimney
Santa's worst nightmare.
Too Tired
I just bought $200 worth of groceries and then ordered pizza because I don't feel like cooking after the hassle of buying groceries!
Die Hard Fan
Don't forget to leave cigarettes, shoes and a twinkie in the ductwork for John McClain on Christmas Eve.
Hot Date
I must be getting old. My idea of a hot date is sitting in my recliner with a heating pad on my back.
The Who
Horton hears The Who.
Mad
I want to be mad rich. But I'm only mad. So I'm halfway there.
Planting Beef
Vermont grow a cow kit. Finius the skinniest. Cow Seeds. Just add water and soak 24 hours, then plant outside.
Curator
Most of this work or writing, punning, sarcasm, or dad jokes is not original content from me. I appreciate the finer art and curate or collect from various sources on the Internet. All original copyright notices are reflected in the images and the watermarks for the images. Feel free to follow me at the links listed below, or email me at Tom@ThatPunGuy.com.