Don't Use Bleach
I told you not to use bleach. Shut up.
Not a Bouncer
Police have confirmed that the man who tragically fell from the roof of an 18th floor nightclub was not a bouncer.
I Know Everything
I'm leaving you. Is it because I act like I know everything? Yes. I knew it.
Met a Guy
Hey babe, I met a guy today. He was really handsome and I think I'm in love with him. His name is Roger. Show me the dog.
Under Attack
Oh no, I'm under a tack.
Wear a Mask
I need everyone to wish me luck. I have a meeting at the bank later and if all goes well, I will be out of debt. I'm so excited, I can barely put on my ski mask.
Pulling My Leg
I used to know a gal with a wooden leg named Jane. I don't know what she called her other leg.
It's a Conspiracy
Three conspiracy theorist walk into a bar. Don't tell me that's not a coincidence.
Gotta Go
It is better to wake up and pee than to pee and wake up.
Independence Day
Sent my husband to the store and then turned off my phone because it's time to teach independence.
Don't Cry for Me
Life hack: Some people cry when cutting onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.
Doesn't Add Up
Take your age and add 5 to it. That will be your age in five years.
A Small Story
One of the crewmen is shrinking rapidly. He needs to be examined immediately, doctor. He's going to have to learn to be a little patient.
Quaking
My dad always told me "don't be quick to find faults." Good man, terrible geologist.
Recharging
Me thinking about my life when my phone is on charging.
Curator
Most of this work or writing, punning, sarcasm, or dad jokes is not original content from me. I appreciate the finer art and curate or collect from various sources on the Internet. All original copyright notices are reflected in the images and the watermarks for the images. Feel free to follow me at the links listed below, or email me at Tom@ThatPunGuy.com.