Chasing People
The neighbor tells me you are chasing people on a bicycle. He's lying, I don't even have a bicycle.
Entitled to Compensation
The Law Offices of Meowski, Clawsen, and Purrtle. Do you have PTSD from spray bottles, vacuum cleaners, or brooms? Do you have trauma from the elusive, uncatchable red dot? You may be entitled to catpensation. Call meow. 1-800-Clawyers.
Crosswords
When you promise to never use a crossword, there is always Wordle.
Whole Food
Wait, so let me get this straight. A whole bag of chips or a whole pint of ice cream isn't what they mean by a "whole food?"
Hot Tub
Please don't brush your teeth in my Jacuzzi.
Gone Fishing
If you had to choose, would you rather lose an arm or a leg? A leg. Need both arms to fish. My coworker just said he needs both arms to hug his wife, so thanks. Sounds like he's never been fishing.
Unspeakable Things
I just found out my father was a mime. He never spoke about it.
Long Trips
Younger me: I can't wait to have my own car and drive anywhere I want. Older me: I'm not driving there. It's 15 minutes away.
Put It Together
When the puzzle box says three to five years but you finished it in three weeks.
Scattered
I had the suspect under surveillance chief until his accomplice started waving around that laser pointer.
Out Of Bed
Me leaving my bed to go to the couch. It ain't much, but it's honest work.
It Was Loose
Make a King Arthur movie about the wife of the guy who tried to pull the sword from the stone right before Arthur did and had to listen to him say he loosened it for the rest of her life.
Vitamins and Minerals
Pop to Wilma. I'm healthy.
Fit to Be Tide
Roadside sobriety tests are getting ridiculous. Last night, I had to fold a fitted sheet.
Let Us Pause
Upon further inspection, her paws are not really orange.
Curator
Most of this work or writing, punning, sarcasm, or dad jokes is not original content from me. I appreciate the finer art and curate or collect from various sources on the Internet. All original copyright notices are reflected in the images and the watermarks for the images. Feel free to follow me at the links listed below, or email me at Tom@ThatPunGuy.com.